The Last Time

Hi, i love you. i dont know when or how it all started. but I was glad i did fell in love with a person like you. You are that smart, cute amazing guy who loves to talk about science, anatomy, pharmacology and crazy things, I enjoyed that side of you, that side where I hoped you only show to me. You talked excitedly about your future how you always wanted to become a Doctor which I know you'll gonna become someday, but sometimes I want to ask you if you made plans for the future where I am included, whether the thing we have now will last or this is just a momentary bliss. I know i have no right to tell you it’s unfair because to be honest, i am, indeed thinking about a future where you still exist. I know you've been very busy these days and I again have no right to demand anything from you, because thats what love is right? You must not ask anything in return, but please dont make me think as if I dont matter to you, yes I get it, you have your priorities but can you not rub it in my face? Youve been very cold, when you look me in the eyes its as if youre not even there, I cant even remember the last time you hugged me or told me that you love me or kissed me, those surprise kisses you plant on my cheeks, the last time you send me those random long messages I receive everytime, those i miss yous, everything. I just, i just miss how things work for us when we were on our first 5 months, the way we talk about random stuffs and not worrying about anything else, the way we have those silly plays which we enjoy a lot, how you say those i love yous with your eyes fixed on mine and all the little things that used to give us butterflies and sparks. We were so in love back then, it was as if nothing could pull as apart, but now, I wake up every day with this reality that we are not the same, the you and me that used to be doesn’t exist anymore. I miss us. Is it me? Or is that what you really are? I dont know what to come up with all of these, but  Have I done anything wrong? Do I bore you? Am I not the woman you fell in love with a year ago? What happened? I kept on giving myself excuses on your lapses, and whenever you walk out on me or not treat me well because I don’t want to think that our love is already faltering.   But I will never give up, as long as there is still something worthy of holding on to, as long as this fragile line that lies between our feet can hold us together, I wont lose hope. But if one day I get tired, please, don’t ever think that I didn’t love you enough to hold on, I just couldn't find anymore reason to.